Monday Quick Takes...

Some quick takes:

1) Every now and again I have to stop smashing the patriarchy long enough to have a dance party....

2) I spent way too much time yesterday trying to guess who made the anonymous comment on my blog. Like I woke up thinking about it and I went to sleep thinking about it. Lame!

While I certainly welcome spirited discussion, I don't think my blog is the place to do it. This is called "Jamie's Moments of Beauty" not "An Open Forum for Discussion of Socially Incidiary Issues." Just a thought...

3) In light of the anonymous blog post and my hours of wondering who might have written it, I have also realized that I might be a little paranoid....I spent a lot of time wondering who was the snake in the grass...the friend who put an (anonymous) knife in my back....I entertained lots of reckless speculation. This was further fueled by the fact that I've heard that some of my friends think I'm "too wrapped up in baby" to hang out with them anymore. And that this means I don't care...or like them...or some other high school sort of drama....

Here's the thing: I admit to having a touch of the high school drama-monger/gossip left in me. I don't like this side, and I'm working on it. But, with that being said, I'm feeling a little bit attacked. I try really hard to be a good friend, mother, sister, wife, and any other role I play. Sure, I might appear a little cutting sometimes, but sarcasm is part of my DNA. Also, I really am not a judgemental person. As we've established in writing group, what I do is Marvel At-- not Judge the differences of other people.

So, all that's to say, cut me some slack. Baby takes up lots of time. Especially as I'm the work-from-home parent. Try to find ways to hang out with me that are baby-friendly. And I'll try to sneak away every now and again for quality adult time. (A final note: I totally felt the same way about some of my friends before I had Liam...)

4) Ok, enough about me. You're all wanting to hear about Liam? The news: 2 teeth on the horizon and almost through. He is almost running, which he does in a wobbly sort of way like Frankenstein. (We call him Chunkenstein). He loves having 2 dogs, and he's good at petting them gently (most of the time). His favorite food right now is either vanilla pudding, blueberries, or cottage cheese. Also, he adores the vacuum...

5) We've started packing, which means lots of boxes for Liam to climb on. Fun! Today I was loading up bags of books to sell/donate. Although we never read these books, I have to admit that getting rid of them always makes me a little sad...

6) The dogs are getting along smashingly...

("Oh, Brutus, I love gazing into your eyes..."-- Sam)

7) Place I wish I was today: Madison, WI. After a morning kayak with Adam and Liam, I'd have lunch at Noodles, then go to the pool with Kim D. and gang, then the free zoo, then leave Liam with them while Adam and I headed off for drinks and dinner at The Great Dane...

Have a great day!

Feminism: An answer to my anonymous critic...

Wow! I certainly got somebody mad with my Feminism post.

I'd love to take a second and address that person personally.... but, I can't because they left the comment anonymously. (!!)

Really, I appreciate the feedback, and I think you brought up some really good points that made me reconsider some of what I said, but how annoying is an anonymous comment? As they say, be a man about it, and show your face!

Hehehe.

That being said, I feel the need to run over a few of the finer points of that post and the reaction to it (especially since many of my closest friends have reacted in a way that makes me feel like I've kicked their elderly grandmother in the spleen or something).

1) I would like the record to show that I am still, and always will consider myself, a feminist. I think it's important for women to assert themselves and their value. What I was trying to convey in that last post, however, was that in the last few years (of married life and motherhood), the notion of feminism has taken on unexpected nuances. That was my point in bringing up the Peggy Orenstein article-- because she is a die-hard, bra-burning, march-to- smash-the-glass-ceiling feminist, but her new role as mother to a girl who likes Princess stuff has led her to reconsider (or at least consider) some of her positions. I feel the same way. For example, now instead of gut reacting against gender roles, I find that occasionally Adam and I slip into them, and it works, and no one is oppressed, and that's fine. This realization is not meant to denigrate the struggle of all the women who have come before me, but one that makes me wonder about the new face of feminism....and how it plays out in individual lives....

2) Regarding mothers, stay-at-home or working: my anonymous critic has rightfully pointed out that envy is not good for anyone. And, I wholeheartedly agree. I got a little carried away in that last post, so forgive the touch of hyperbole. Envy is a destructive emotion and I try to have as little of it as possible in my life. Also, following the above speculations on the individual, daily face of feminism, I absolutely concede that it is ridiculous to try to make normative judgements about mothers...so, for that I apologize...

3) Regarding daycare/childcare/somebody else raising your kids: Again, the mysterious critic makes a good point in saying that daycare is a necessity for some people and also that the parents are actually raising their child (ren) thorough guidance, love, boundaries, etc.

Did I mention that I get a bit melodramatic/hyperbolic sometimes? Can I admit that for the longest time I thought every fight with Adam meant a total breakup? Ok, so now you know that about me....keeping that in mind, then know that my comments were not intended as judgement about those of you who put your kids in daycare. I am just really struggling with letting Liam go. And of course I also struggle with the desire to let him socialize in daycare-- which I think would be really good for him-- versus my crazy inability to trust other people with my child. Is daycare a good thing? I don't know. I know a lot of kids who love it, and also a lot of kids who were traumatized by it. All this may be a moot point, as money issues may drive me to work another job and-- you guessed it-- that means daycare for Liam.

4) Regarding abortion: Oh boy! What a can of worms Jamie opened up here! Again, can I say that by me asserting a position on when life begins, this does not mean that:

a) I'm suddenly a Republican

b) That I think victims of rape automatically should have to raise the babies

c) That I'm betraying my liberal ideas

d) Or that I'm a fan of legislating women's bodies. Again, see my thoughts on how this becomes a real pickle that can lead to control of women's bodies in many Muslim countries.

What I did say, all social issues of what to do with pregnant women or unwanted babies aside , is that I think a baby-in-utero is a baby. It is an actual living little person. Not a parasite. Not a glob of cells. But a little life. Therefore, however it shakes out, I think that abortion is an issue about 2 bodies, not just one.

Is that really such a radical statement? Is its logic dastardly? Does it mean that I am off now to murder abortion doctors and stand on street corners shoving gory posters in the face of rape victims?

No. For fu*#'s sake. Really?

But, it does mean that I think abortion kills a baby. So, sure, that's the mother's right to choose. But, I think that's what she's choosing.

Ok, so there you have it, those are my answers to the anonymous post.

Looking forward to all your comments!

Boxers at Home...

Today we brought our sweet, slobbery new dog, Brutus, home...it's looking good so far. As you might expect an epic battle for household dominance is curretly underway...but while there might be 4 men in this house...mama still rules...

Father's Day Thoughts...

"Our family..." said Adam contentedly as we ambled at twilight through our neighborhood. He smiled, then looked a little shocked: "Wow, our family of five!"

"I know, right?" I said, laughing as Liam leaned back in the carrier on my back, stretching like an acrobat to see the sky. "When did that happen?"

Dog, baby, dog...

Our family is growing...growing larger, growing happier, growing to know and love each other better...

It is a beautiful thing.

As Adam just said to me: "Love is seeing more and more of the individual person and loving them more and more for being that person..."

And then, as he also just said to me..."Ok, enough of this weepy-sort-of-such-and-such."

A final thought: tonight on our walk, we walked past someone I knows house. Hers is a sad story. Last year, while she was working abroad, her partner died. He was found dead in the house and she never got to say goodbye. I noticed today that outside her front door, a yellow rose bush was in full bloom. It occurred to me then, that the last time that rose bush blossomed, the man she loved was alive. I started to tell Adam this, and he said, "I know. You don't even have to say it."

And so, I don't think I need to belabor the point, but it is good to cherish those in our lives, to live in the moment, and to love well, laugh often, and live peacefully.

A brief Father's Day Retrospective...

Adam's father's day present...

Guess who's joining our household under the auspices of Father's Day: Meet Brutus!

He's a young boxer who we drove out to Greeneville today to meet. He and Sam had the most romp-tastic time, and we simply couldn't say no. He comes to our house tomorrow..so stay tuned for pictures and stories of how this changes and enhances our family dynamics...

(Note: Our natural inclination is to name dogs after hobbits -- hence Samwise Gamgee-- "Sam"-- our brown, loyal pet...but Brutus is a name replete with funny potential-- for example, just imagine if Sam and Brutus get into the diaper trashcan...as I'm scolding Sam, I can look mournfully at Brutus and utter those famous words: "Et tu Brutai?"...hehe.)

On the mend....

Perhaps this might have something to do with Liam's recent sickness? Hmmmm.....

To paraphrase a quote from Nietzsche (not my usual go-to guy for wisdom): A society can be judged by how it takes its pain and suffering and makes something worthwhile out of them.

Likewise, I suppose people can be judged in the same way. We have had a lot of p & s (of the mild, parent-variety) lately, but I think Adam and I have done a good job getting through this as a couple. Whether it's him offering me a towel at 4am to clean up the handful of vomit I've just caught, or me reminding him that he should strive to be more Hawaii less Moldova in his going-to-work attitude, we are doing a good job supporting each other. The key here is that neither one of us is submerged in self-pity and we both want the same thing- Liam to feel better. Maybe this is one way that having a child helps grow love- through mutual shared sleep-deprivation, punchy laughter, and a sense that we're in this together.

(We are also fighting almost never. Again, because we are working together. As with any couple, we've had our occasional bumps. One of these inspired me to write this sign and hang it by the door: "Fight for each other, not with each other." I like seeing that every time I go out the door. )

Anyway, so Liam has some nasty virus. The pediatrician called it "the crud". Very scientific! It's probably the rotovirus (some strain that he was not vaccinated for). But, good news! He is beginning to hold down a little more food, and he's having a great nap while I type this. Sleep is my magical cure for everything, so hopefully today will be a turning point.

Morning nap! So sweet.

That's it for morning updates. I can't wait to tell you about the book I'm reading! (The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner).

(BTW: I've become a bit addicted to blogging. Lately, I find myself pondering the day's blog entry in the shower every morning. Like, I haven't written about the HUGE month in our backyard yet....Maybe I'll just show you the picture...)

Happy times coming soon... (from a trip to Gatlinburg TN, that we took over Mother's Day).

Adventures in parenting

"You totally get the rock star parent award this weekend," said Adam last night as we got ready for bed. An exhausted, sick Liam lay on the bed between us.

I smiled wryly. We had a rough weekend. And, at the end of it, I felt like I might deserve an award. Or at least a healthy baby.

I went to bed optimistic, but I was puked on at 1 am. This morning (it's 9am), Liam has already thrown up on himself in the car while we dropped Adam off at work. We went to the grocery store after that to get pedialite and wipes. Good thing too about the wipes, because between the checkout line and the car, Liam had the messiest diaper ever. We're talking neck to butt mess. There was a moment there in the parking lot when I truly just marveled at the challenges of motherhood.

Then, it passed, I emptied the groceries out of 2 plastic bags, stripped Liam naked in the cart (did I mention that it is overcast and drizzly), opened the wipes and got to work. I was definitely judged by a few people. I could hear them thinking, "OMG, look at the redneck woman and her poor naked baby. I would NEVER change my baby in the cart like that..."

I'm sure that I thought similar things before, pre-mama-with-sick-baby-time. Did I say in the last post that moms should be envied? LOL. I might retract that slightly after this weekend.

We have a peds appointment in an hour, so fingers crossed, Liam will be on the mend soon.

(Another great Adam quote (said at 7:30 this morning after I called the pediatrician and got a machine that told me the office opened at 8):

"Remember when an 8 appointment was unheard of?"

Yes, I do. Barely.