Uncertainity...happiness...a ramble...

Being a choxer (boxer-chow) is nice and stress-free...now if only Sam's owners could take a page out his book...

What's that old prayer? God grant me the strength to change what I can, the serenity to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference? I think that's close enough.

Well-- long sigh-- that about sums my weekend.

Here are somethings I know about myself:

1) Despite my best efforts at patience, I hate waiting.

2) Although I like adventure and impulse in life, I like certain things to be secure-like jobs or where I'll be living next month. (So, I'd like to be able to jet off to Thailand on a whim, but then have security to come home too I guess is what I'm saying. Hmmm, who wouldn't want that?).

3) Also, I often set my heart on something, throw myself in entirely, and then am crushed to smithereens when it doesn't work out. (This is a pattern in relationships, living situations, jobs, and houses I want to live in...etc.).

The issue at hand: we're just tyring to rent a house. It's nothing major, but argghhh! the stress.

I'm trying to take a page out of Kim D' book (who is also facing lots of job and house uncertainty) and wait and see what happens. Our dream rental house (Melanie's parent's house- which has ample space and a koi-filled pond(!!)) is up for sale, not rental (except with untenable stipulations). Although I REALLY want to live there, stipulations be damned, I've slowly realized that it's not meant to be. Or it will work out if it's supposed to. Or maybe it will work...or something like that.

Like I said, arggghhhh. (LOL-I sound like a pirate who is fraught with anxiety)

I am trying to learn to live with uncertainty. Like my father, I get all worked up from small things, project/emanate/radiate stress, and, in turn, destroy the harmony of my home. That is not how I want to live, so I am working on this.

Generally, my life is filled with happiness. This recent anxiety comes partially from uncertainty and also from a deep need I have for more. More everything: clothes, succesful books (well, any)children, vacations, jobs, time,etc.

This leads me to the question of: when is it enough (of any of the above items)? Is it considered failure in our society to just step back and say: "Wow, I'm really happy with the way things are. I'm not going to change a thing." Is it all too human to seek constant change, and this is why we go for bigger, better, more?

I don't know and I probably need more coffee before tackling such things. It is so my life that a small thing like house-rental-anxiety snowballs into this deep metaphysical pondering of happiness.

Speaking of that, I just started reading this travel book called "The Geography of Bliss". I haven't gotten very far- the author is just at the Dutch Center for the Study of Happiness- but I did find this quote that spoke to me (at least in the mood I'm in):

"(In the past) happiness, in this life, on this earth, was a prize reserved for the gods and the fortunate few. Today, though, not only is happiness considered possible for anyone to attain, it is expected. Thus I (the author), and millions of others, suffer from the uniquely modern malady that historian Darrin McMahon calls 'the unhappiness of not being happy.'"

Hmmm...so I don't quite feel that, not now, not in my life with Adam and Liam. But, I know this malady, it has been mine at other moments.

Anyway, here are somethings that make me happy and clears all the dark clouds of anxiety and uncertainity in one fell swoop: